In a world obsessed with physical attractiveness, we all want to be good enough for something or for someone. We want to be thin enough to fit into that dress, we want to be pretty enough for men or women to notice us and ask us out, we want our butts to be big enough so that we have curves that look good in those pants.
Many of us typically strive to reach a particular standard of attractiveness, and this standard is more often than not, set out by what we see in the media and in our day to day lives: movies, fashion blogs, music videos, Instagram, even our own friends and family and strangers who compliment us (in a nice friendly casual way not stalker-creepy way mind you).
Its so easy to fall into the trap of “I need to/want to/ wish I could/ be like that” because after all, we’re human. We have an innate need to be loved, to be accepted, and to feel good about ourselves. We notice what gets complimented and what doesn’t, and let’s be totally honest with each other, what does get noticed, complimented, get more likes on Instagram more often in a woman?
- when she wears clothing that comfortably hugs her body and highlights her figure (note that sometimes, it has to be a slim one)
- when she wears a cropped top that shows off her flat stomach
- big booty
This isn’t an exhaustive list and examples may differ mind you, but its just an example of what I’ve noticed and also personally experienced.
We learn that when we dress and look in a certain way, we get noticed and complimented and this sets us up for falling into the trap of thinking that that is what we need to be. Let’s get real. We all want compliments and we all want people to tell us we look good. Who doesn’t?! But over time, we may begin to rely on those compliments to feel good. Our sense of self-worth becomes displaced; happiness and validation are now sourced from other people. When they compliment and notice us, we feel good. When they don’t, we start feeling anxious.
So what’s a person gotta do? Work out everyday, diet everyday, wear makeup everyday to look and maintain a certain appearance all day every day?
Hell no. Nobody has time for that! I don’t have time for that I’m a busy girl I’ve got things to do.
Life is too short to live up to the expectations of other people. You are uniquely you. You are a work of art. You don’t need to seek approval and validation from others because when you do, you become trapped. A queen doesn’t live in her room all day. She wears her magnificent crown on her head and roams the halls mighty sassy and proud.
But hey, want to wear makeup everyday? Sure, go ahead no one is stopping you. Workout everyday? Sure go ahead. I’m not stopping you. Look at me, I work out about 3-4 times a week and I wear makeup when I go out too. But what’s important is: don’t become too dependent on your makeup and exercising just because you want to look a certain way. What do I mean? Makeup does wonders and can make you look different, but if you want to or need to wear makeup because you want to look certain way as you don’t like the way you look now, its time to do a re-think about your eyeliner and eyeshadow. Afraid to miss a workout and you get anxious when you don’t clock in an hour of cardio? Time to take a step back and ask yourself why you’re working out to begin with, and for who you’re working out. Do you want a good body for yourself, or because you want to get a body type that many people take notice of?
A queen doesn’t live for others. She lives for herself.
She dresses for herself and for nobody else. She wears makeup for herself and nobody else. She workout for herself an nobody else. Because she knows that she begins to do things for other people, she stops being free.
A woman who is insecure and gets compliments relies on compliments to feel good. A woman who is secure and gets compliments accepts it but feels no need to prove herself all the time. She doesn’t care if she wears no makeup, because she doesn’t rely on external approval and acceptance. She doesn’t live for it.
A one-way ticket to unhappiness is to live up to the expectations of others and getting approval & validation from others. You can’t please everyone. Everybody is different. Love yourself enough, be comfortable with yourself enough, and accept yourself enough to live the life of happiness that you deserve.
Strive to be a queen. Be the best version of you. Why? Because no one can be you!
You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be worth it. Not for others, but for you and yourself.
And yes, and I’m wearing burgundy lipstick! Dark purple, deep wine red, oxblood, whatever you call it. It was for a theme party (sort of) that I attended last week and the lipstick was a gift from Zee when she was in Australia! I’m feeling very Rihanna+Maleficient in this regal shade. Plus, that picture of those gorgeous pink flowers was taken at the Flower Market in Bangkok when I visited it last week. The place was beautifully perfect.