reminder to self: live more in the present

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A project for a class on the psychology of social communication needed us to examine a social phenomenon in Singapore and our project group was attempting to flesh out our theories and plan a timeline. A report and a presentation were due, with 2 weeks in between each submission. The report is due first but naturally being studious worry-wart students, we tried discussing the specifics of the  presentation as well. Having exhausted whatever energy we needed to work on our proposal, we sat there in silence staring at each other until finally #2 homegirl said “Okay okay okay let’s just do this report first and worry about the presentation later when we submit the proposal okay? Let’s not worry about this now. Its too much energy”

On the way home after spending the rest of the afternoon watching my 2 homegirls hilariously googling for answers for their statistics homework (sorry Mr. T we’re just not magicians in statistics) and giving the evil eye to students who stole our taxis, it got me thinking “are we all always worrying too much about the future?” Why are we always wasting so much time worrying about the unknown when there are so many things at present to be enjoyed? Like that cute blue-eyed baby giving me a big toothy grin ( I have finally accepted that being Chinese, I will never be able to have blue-eyed babies in the future due to a need for a recessive gene – something that I genetically lack thanks), or that right now as I am speaking (or rather typing), why am I worrying about what I will be doing when this semester ends when the gorgeous colors of the sunset are spreading across the sky?

I am guilty of living too much in the future and not enjoying moments at present. I only realized the importance of cherishing whatever we have now during my exchange program in New York. I made friends and experienced new sights but inside me was the realization that I wouldn’t have that again. Instead of counting down til the number of days I had left til I returned to Singapore, I made the days count. I joined student clubs, made friends, learned a new genre of dance, went on peaceful campus protests, brought back red and orange colored leaves and ate snow.

I need to learn to live more in the moment, forget about what I did or didn’t do in the past and worry less about what will happen in the future. Life isn’t a bed of roses. You’ll experience sadness along the way that’ll leave you feeling empty and confused and even resentful. Its tough to understand the concept that “things happen for a reason” or “there’ll be something better that comes along”. I’m still trying to accept this. I’m slowly accepting this. Life is fleeting. Every second and every minute of our life cannot be replaced. 6 years ago I planned every single thing to the last single detail to prepare for the future and always worrying my butt off about every single little stupid thing. I would look back and think about things I wish I had or hadn’t done and wasting a whole lot of mental energy crying about spilt milk. Dawdling about the past, having headaches about the unknown future and even worrying about too much about my appearance and weight really takes up a lot of mental energy. I’m getting older y’all I ain’t got no time for this.

Now as I’m going through recovery, growing older, taken some yoga classes, experiencing what God gives and takes, gaining insight into life and learning lessons from mistakes, my life motto now is to simply wait until the next day to think about the events of tomorrow. Focus on the present, do the best that you can do with your commitments of the day, dance to awesome music, compliment someone’s outfit when you like it and make his/her day, eat yo’ veggies & as much as you can, trust in karma & channel your energies into enjoying all the quirky things that happen right now and work to being the best version of yourself.

Amen.

      “tragedies will always be found in the things we love. and if we are not willing to see the beauty in losing something that means the world to us, then imagine how terrible it will be to live for them.

we must always welcome the end of all things, for sometimes, knowing nothing lasts forever, is the only way we can learn learn to fall in love with all the moments and all the people that are meant to take our breath away

– r.m. drake”

In the meantime…

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eating pizza, because its kind of what I can do now…

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CAN YOU TELL THAT I LIKE MY NEW RED LIPSTICK. SHUDDUP YOU HATERZ GO GET YER’ OWN.

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found this on Instagram. I need to be friends with this girl.

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Mama’s relatives from Surabaya, Indonesia visited for a few days and brought some sambal chill, Indonesian style. SO DELISH. Doesn’t it look lethal? .

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Now I can proudly show people that I am a bachata dancer. Soy una bachatera de Singapore! HOLLA.

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Reading on the bed done doggie style.

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